Video Games & Your Kids

Hilarie Cash, PhD and Kim McDaniel, MA

The Book

Video Games & Your Kids: How Parents Stay in Control
Hilarie Cash and Kim McDaniel
B503
$18.00
Trade Paper, 191 pages
Published by Issues Press
Publication date: 2008
ISBN: 9781930461055

Video Games & Your Kids is for parents who are worried that their children may be spending too much time playing video games. Based on research and the authors’ clinical experience, the book explains what gaming addiction is, how much gaming is too much, and the affects gaming has on the body and brain. The authors give gaming advice on each stage of life; birth-2 years, ages 2-6, elementary school years, adolescence, and adult children still living at home. Where there is a problem, the authors provide parents with tools that will help the parents successfully set appropriate limits for their children. It also explains the need to consult with professionals and use the process of formal interventions when the addiction is so severe that the parents are no longer able to manage the situation.... (Buy the Book)

Authors

Hilarie Cash, PhD has been a psychotherapist since 1981. When she moved to Seattle with her family in 1993, she developed and interest in the emerging problem of internet addiction, co-founding Internet/Computer Addiction Services in 1998. Her son's love of video games, and the clients she saw, convinced her of the profoundly addictive nature of this form of entertainment. She provides individual, family, and group therapy to game addicts, as well as writing and lecturing on the subject. Contact Hilarie Cash at Internet / Computer Addiction Services.
Kim McDaniel is a devoted parent and wife and has been a professional counselor for the past nineteen years. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a BA degree in psychology from California State University, Northridge and a MA degree from Pepperdine University. She has provided clinical services to children and adolescents at several residential and hospital facilities. Presently, Mrs. McDaniel's practice is focused on providing psychological services to families, adolescents, and children. Contact Kim McDaniel at Family Counseling and Wellness Services.

Book Reviews

Obsession with video games has risen to the level of addiction worthy of possible listing as a psychological disorder, according to psychotherapists Cash and McDaniel. They explore the addictive nature of many games and offer assessment tools for parents to determine if the games are presenting a danger to their children. They examine research on the physiological effects of too much gaming, particularly for younger children, as well as negative effects on academic and social skills. Drawing on vignettes from their own practice, they look at various development stages and how children are affected by excessive video-game playing, from console games to group online games and social networks. Each chapter ends with practical advice for parents on setting limits. The final chapter is aimed at families in need of intervention beyond the book. Whether parents think games represent as extreme a danger as do Cash and McDaniel, who cite action taken by the Chinese and Korean governments to curb gaming, they will appreciate the information, including a glossary of computer-game terminology.
--Vanessa Bush - BOOKLIST

This much-needed book provides both information and an action plan for families affected by video game worries. For others, it should serve as a large red flag signaling the importance of awareness and prevention of an insidious sickness among our children.
— Jane M. Healy
Educational Psychologist
Author of Failure to Connect: How Computers Affect Our Children’s Minds and What We Can Do About It

This book is a tool that every parent should have when rearing children in modern society; helpful and insightful, amazingly practical, and completely indispensable. Thank you for writing this, everyone should read it even if they’re not concerned about video game addiction; this is distilled parenting at its best.
— Aaron
Recovering video game addict

Finally a very overdue book about a serious, emerging problem of computer addiction and the effect of computer use on children and youth. It is a comprehensive source book, well written, easy to follow, in the context of child development that every parent and concerned person should read.
— Katarina Cernozubov-Dogman, PhD
Founder of the Unicorn Program.

It’s about time someone wrote a real, easy to read, honest book about the risks of video gaming, a problem that’s not going away. It’s a spot on look at something so common it scares me.
— Jay Parker
Author of Sex and Love Addiction: My Journey from Shame to Grace

In our “Information Age” it is all too easy to make provocative statements about video games and the Internet without backing them up with knowledge and experience. Hilarie Cash and Kim McDaniel provide both knowledge and experience in their timely book, Video Games & Your Kids: How Parents Stay in Control. Based on their knowledge and experiences as psychotherapists, they share vital signs and guidelines gleaned from adolescents, teens, and adults, who, for a variety of reasons, became functionally addicted to playing video games.
Video Games & Your Kids can help parents realize they are not improving their children’s lives by allowing them unlimited access to video games. Signs of addiction, along with effective tools for dealing with children who are displaying unhealthy behaviors are included, but just as importantly, why video games and the Internet can be so addictive is also explained. It is my belief that video games and the Internet have extremely useful roles to play in education and society, but their dark side and limitations must also be understood. This book provides an important part of that education.
— Ruth Fruland, Ph.D., Education
Human Interface Technology Laboratory

  

Community

Community Forum

Addiction Self Assessment


Self Assessment

Please answer the following checklist with honesty. Be aware that denial (What? Me gaming too much? I only play forty hours a week!) can influence your own judgment. If you are in doubt as to how to answer a question, ask for feedback from a trusted friend or relative — someone you know will give you a straight answer.

  Unable to predict the amount of time spent on gaming
Whether you are able to give an honest estimate of how much time you will spend on a game before you start.
  Failed attempts to control personal gaming behavior for an extended period of time
If you and your family/friends have frequent power struggles over gaming; not able to stop at a predetermined time.
  Having a sense of euphoria (an exaggerated sense of well-being) while playing
Ask yourself: How do you feel when you are in the game? Are you happier? Do you feel God-like?
  Craving more gaming
How often do you talk about the game or ask to play? Is it the first thing that you are drawn to upon arriving home? Is it the last thing you want to do at the end of your day?
  Neglecting family and friends
Have you decided to stay home and play instead of going out? Do you miss family events such as family dinner, nights out, etc?
  Feeling restless, irritable, and discontented when not gaming
Are you unhappy when you are not gaming? Do you feel that there is an increase in anger and fighting when you are unplugged?
  Lying to family or authority figures about gaming behavior
Have you given your friends or family any reason to not trust you about your gaming habits? Have they been forced to remove the game from you, or turned off your game?
  Problems with school or job performance as a result of time spent gaming
A decline of school grades after the introduction of a new game; missing first class of the day or often tardy at school? Are there power struggles around homework? Are you unwilling to look for part-time employment? Have you been fired for poor attendance?
  Having guilt, shame, anxiety, or depression as a result of time spent on gaming
Would you child feel proud to talk to parents or teachers about your gaming habits?
  Changing sleep patterns
Gaming all night and sleeping the day away wreaks havoc with the body’s natural rhythms and establishes patterns that are difficult to reverse.
  Developing health issues such as carpel tunnel syndrome, eye strain, weight change, and backaches
Weight gain or loss of ten to fifteen pounds or more; a need to change the prescription strength for eyeglasses or contact lenses; increased difficulty with physically demanding activities.
  Denying, rationalizing, and minimizing the adverse consequences of gaming
“I don’t have a problem,” “My friends play a lot more than I do,” “You’re too old to understand,” “I can stop any time,” “It’s no big deal,” “I have lots of friends on-line, so it’s not like I’m spending time alone.”
  Withdrawing from real-life hobbies and social interactions
Quitting the team; turning down opportunities to participate in hobbies that would have appealed to you before he started gaming.
  Obsessing about romantic/sexual acting out through gaming
When not gaming, do you talk incessantly about it? Have you ever dreamed about being in the game? Do you draw game characters? Spend hours doing research in order to improve your on-line character?
  Creating an enhanced persona to find Cyber love or Cyber sex
What type of on-line characters do you choose to represent yourself? What are your chat and interactions with the other characters? Is what your doing flirting? Have you created a character to get closer to members of the opposite sex?



Evaluating Your Score

0 - 2: Gaming is not a problem for you at this time. You know that a game is just a game. You are keeping it light and keeping it fun. The way you spend your leisure time is in balance and you’re probably fine.
3 - 4: Gaming is becoming problematic. Most likely someone close to you has expressed their concern. If you do not change your habits now, you could very easily find yourself addicted to gaming. An answer of 4 indicates abuse. It is no longer “just a game.”
5 or more: Gaming has become addictive. It’s time to ask for help from your friends or family. Most gamers at this level have already noticed that they are missing out on significant parts of real life: healthy relationships, graduating from school or college, or career advancement. You are on a slippery slope. As real life becomes more disappointing and difficult, your on-line world will become even more attractive. It is time for intervention.

Parental Assessment for Addiction


Parental Assessment

Are you concerned about your child’s gaming habits? Go through the following checklist and answer the questions honestly. The list of symptoms is the same, but we have included cues that will help you with your responses.

  Unable to predict the amount of time spent on gaming
Older children and teens should be able to give you an estimate of how much time they will spend on a game before they start.
  Failed attempts to control personal gaming behavior for an extended period of time
Frequent power struggles over gaming; not able to stop at a predetermined time.
  Having a sense of euphoria (an exaggerated sense of well-being) while playing
Ask: How do you feel when you are in the game?
  Craving more gaming
How often does he or she talk about the game or ask to play. Is it the first thing that he is drawn to upon arriving home? Is it the last thing she wants to do at the end of her day?
  Neglecting family and friends
Would he prefer to play the game instead of playing with others? Does she opt out of family events? Are friends calling less often? Are there fewer invitations for sleepovers or events?
  Feeling restless, irritable, and discontented when not gaming
Is he unhappy when he’s not gaming? Is there an increase in anger and fighting when he is unplugged?
  Lying to family or authority figures about gaming behavior
There are software programs that will track the amount of time spent on gaming. Have you ever had to lock up the keyboard, disconnect the modem, or hide the mouse because you don’t trust your child?
  Problems with school or job performance as a result of time spent gaming
A decline of school grades after the introduction of a new game; missing her first class of the day or often tardy at school? Are there power struggles around homework? Has he been unwilling to seek a part-time job? Has she been fired for poor attendance?
  Having guilt, shame, anxiety, or depression as a result of time spent on gaming
Would your child feel proud to talk to parents or teachers about his gaming habits?
  Changing sleep patterns
Gaming all night and sleeping the day away wreaks havoc with the body’s natural rhythms and establishes patterns that are difficult to reverse.
  Developing health issues such as carpel tunnel syndrome, eye strain, weight change, and backaches
Weight gain or loss of ten to fifteen pounds or more; a need to change the prescription strength for eyeglasses or contact lenses; increased difficulty with physically demanding activities.
  Denying, rationalizing, and minimizing the adverse consequences of gaming
“I don’t have a problem,” “My friends play a lot more than I do,” “You’re too old to understand,” “I can stop any time,” “It’s no big deal,” “I have lots of friends on-line, so it’s not like I’m spending time alone.”
  Withdrawing from real-life hobbies and social interactions
Quitting the team; turning down opportunities to participate in hobbies that would have appealed to him before he started gaming.
  Obsessing about romantic/sexual acting out through gaming
When not gaming, does she talk incessantly about it? Has she ever dreamed about being in the game? Does she draw game characters? Spend hours doing research in order to improve her on-line character?
  Creating an enhanced persona to find Cyber love or Cyber sex
What type of on-line characters does he choose to represent himself? Observe his chat and interactions with the other characters. Is he a flirt? Does he create a character to get closer to girls?



Evaluating Your Child’s Score

0 - 2: Gaming is not a problem for your child. You encourage him to keep it light, keep it fun. You may have already established fair rules and boundaries for gaming. Stay involved. Be willing to enforce your rules and help your child maintain a healthy balance.
3 - 4: Gaming is becoming problematic for your child. It is time to review your house rules regarding gaming and establish healthier boundaries. You may be afraid to set more stringent limits but if you do not change your child’s habits now, you could very easily find him addicted to gaming. If that occurs, it will be that much more difficult to teach him how to gain control over his habit. Self-regulation is no longer an option.
5 or more: Gaming has become addictive for your child. The establishment of real-world connections has given way to video game personas. And every day that goes by increases the potential damage for children and teens. These real-world connections are essential for healthy psychosocial development. It’s time to get help. Family members are noticing what the child fails to see — that he is missing out on significant parts of real life. Your child needs your help.